Attraction is a funny thing. We are all attracted to different types of men – physically, mentally and emotionally. Upon finding myself single, I had to reassess what kind of man I was attracted to. It was an interesting exercise that I did rather consciously. I looked back at my previous relationships, who I chose and why the attraction died early on with a few of them. And this is what I have come up with, I like an alpha male. Yes I do. I like tall, broad men who are a guy’s guy. And the curious thing is that often, in the past, I haven’t chosen the alpha male. And I think this is where the attraction issues kicked in. In the past year, the guys I have dated have been alphas. I’ve passed on the betas. But an alpha brings with him a set of challenges for us girls.
Now I must make a disclaimer before I go on; I am totally generalizing here and I’m only speaking from my experience so please know that. And I am making no judgement about which type of man is “better”. We like who we like and that’s totally cool.
Alphas tend to be emotionally challenging. Or should I say challenged! They find it hard to display, share or talk about their emotions which can make it difficult to know where you stand with them. They can focus on work too much, watch too much (insert annoying thing here – i.e. sports), they may notice other women without subtlety, may take a less active parenting role and like to take charge which means that you can be left out of important decision making. All of these things can suck. I was having this conversation with a good friend of mine last week who is married to an alpha. The key with being in a relationship with an alpha is to know how they tell you they care about you. It’s usually not obvious. So instead of hearing it the way we women are used to hearing it, or want to hear it, you have to listen very carefully.
Beta males are far more emotionally available. You know much more easily how much they like/love you which can be very appealing. They are more affectionate and likely to do the things you like to do with you. The beta men I’ve known can be very sweet and thoughtful. Don’t get me wrong, they can still drive you crazy, because after all they are still men. But they often let you take charge. For me, despite how bossy as I am, I don’t want any more men who let me lead all the time.
The more I think about the alpha/beta issue and talk about it with my girlfriends, the more questions come up. Can two alphas co-exist? Or is it like Highlander where there can only be one? (Oops, my geek just showed herself there!) I tend to think that unless you are in a volatile relationship, one person does tend to take the beta role. A friend of mine recently told me that she wants a beta who presents as an alpha. Does this exist? I have no idea.
It’s all an interesting observation though. I imagine that many of us don’t take the time to think about what we like and what we want in a man. I wonder if my physical attraction needs are different than my emotional needs. It’s very possible. But this is my opportunity to try something different and for now, I’m going alpha. Because that’s what I’m attracted to. And we will see what intrigues and frustrations that brings! You know you will hear about it.
Just Keep Swimming... 