Moving The Needle

203013895673449024_ZFcYAJ48_c Life changes. Things never stay the same. I’m keenly aware of this concept and have become much more adept at navigating the windy road and rolling with the punches.  I haven’t written much about my dating life lately but it’s time for an update.

In October I wrote about juggling men. It was an interesting – and exhilarating –  experience but as suspected, it didn’t last too long.  I just couldn’t manage it. Which kind of makes me laugh because I am a stellar multi-tasker. I didn’t know how to move forward on an intimacy basis while dating more than one guy (but that is another post!) So the men were whittled down to one – I wish I could say it was all my conscious choice but in reality it was circumstance. And I’m okay with that. I ended up with the best choice. The guy I started talking to online last summer.  So overall we spend about five fun months together which included a lot of really great dates and  good memories.  And I say memories because it’s over now.  Again because of circumstances.

True to form, I picked someone non-permanent who wasn’t looking for a commitment. He was always going to be in town temporarily and we actually never dated exclusively. But it worked for me. He’s a great guy and we have a lot in common.  And honestly I think knowing that it wasn’t long term allowed me to let him in more than I usually do and not get scared.  I was able to show him a variety of sides of me and always be honest about where I was at. He gave me the space to do this safely and he was always really cool about it.  Through this relationship, I was able to grow and I’m really grateful for that.

So now it’s done and I feel confident that we will stay friends. I’m a bit sad but generally okay.  I’ve moved my emotional needle and that’s a big deal for me. I think that now I’m more open to trying something with someone where it’s not casual.  Exclusive dating? Say it isn’t so!!  But yeah, I may be ready to try that.

I know that I’m still not ready to jump into the deep end but I’m going to try to not hang out solely in the hot tub with the guys who look good on the outside but who don’t have much to give. Okay, let’s be honest, I’m sure I’ll still visit the hot tub from time to time. When I’m cold….you know? I mean, really, the hot tub can be awesome. For a short time.

So yeah, I’m glad for my time with this guy. I got a lot out of it. I think he did too. And I’ll allow myself to feel the sadness that it’s over but I’m definitely going to smile that it happened. And continue to move forward.

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