Ode to 2012

tumblr_mfqca1axym1rwpp0mo1_1280Another year gone by.  It’s hard to believe.  As we stand on the cusp of 2013, there are no resolutions for this girl. Too much pressure.  2012 brought me many things – some good, some fun, others challenging and many were thought-provoking.

The things I appreciated the most about 2012:

  1. Travel – fun girl weekends, an awesome trip to LA with my brother and a crazy Vegas getaway.
  2. My girlfriends – my friendships keep me sane. I’m very lucky to have some amazing woman in my corner.
  3. New male friends – I started 2012 with very few male friends and I’m happy to have some new men in my life.
  4. Fun & laughter – I’ve been up to some craziness this year and I’ll admit that I’ve enjoyed it.  We all know I love a good story.
  5. Learning – I keep learning about myself and growing as a person because of my experiences and the risks I take.  It hasn’t all been good but that’s okay. Even the hard stuff teaches you things. Sometimes, especially the hard stuff.

The things I’ve learned in 2012:

  1. I have my eyes open. Some people may think I make questionable decisions. Hell, sometimes I think that too. But I usually go into a situation knowing what I’m getting myself into – even if it’s not good for me. And so I’m willing to deal with the consequences.
  2. I’m still scared shitless of being hurt. Yeah, I am. But I’m trying and as time goes on, I’m able to take a little step further (read – little!). My armour is at once a huge asset and my biggest obstacle.  Fear still rules me.
  3. Despite my last point, I’m also brave.  When I believe in something, I fight for it. And I take risks.
  4. Vulnerability is not weakness.  I’m still coming to terms with this one. I struggle with it. A lot. So this is a work in progress.
  5. And lastly, I’m an attention whore. Okay this may not be a new realization. I love attention. Especially from men. It’s true. Oh well. I kind of love dating. And kind of hate it because most men are generally idiots.

There has also still been shit in 2012.  But then isn’t there always?  I’ve been sad, lonely, angry, terrified, anxious and hurt. I’ve shared a lot of it here on my blog so I won’t go into it. Overall though, it’s been a good year. I’ve had a hell of a lot of fun, I’ve focused on me and I still think I’m generally awesome.  I’m also growing and changing.  And although sometimes I worry that not everyone will stick by me through those changes, I hope they will.  Because I’m still on my journey and it continues to be a roller coaster.

So for 2013, I predict more of the same. I’m not ready to settle down. Or settle at all. Okay, okay…yeah I may tolerate some douchiness if a guy is really cute – for only a short time I swear!  Here’s to more of everything…..

Sparkle on baby, sparkle on.


Facing Down Forty

planning-a-40th-birthday-party.s600x600 Holy fuck I’m forty tomorrow. I’ll admit I’m struggling with it a little. I can’t help the little irrational thoughts from creeping in – I’m old, will I all of a sudden become lame and that life doesn’t look the way I thought it would. But I had someone say something cool to me today when I voiced my concerns. She told me it’s like when you are trying to lose weight and you should concentrate on how your clothes fit rather than the number on the scale. She’s right. Forty is just a number and it’s how I live life that’s far more important.  And I live life more fully now than I did five years ago.  And I’ve had a good year full of really fun adventures. But I’ll save that for another post.

So instead of lamenting about turning forty, here is my list of things I’m going to do over the next year:

  1. Throw a kick ass New Year’s Eve party and buck my history of hating NYE and all the expectations that come with it.
  2. Hit up Vegas again.
  3. Say yes to something that I would ordinarily say no to.
  4. Go skydiving.
  5. Go to the Calgary Stampede with my girlfriends and act like an idiot.
  6. Go outside of my comfort zone with something big.
  7. Be a true cougar. That’s right. How can I not? It’s hilarious.
  8. Take a chance on someone. (This is the scariest of all.)

And of course, continue to have fun, laugh, take risks, enjoy my amazing friends and family, and live life. Live it big and loud and truthfully. Here’s to being fabulous at 40!

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