He’s Just Not That Into You?

You would think that it would be easier to tell how into you someone is. However sometimes it’s just not. So where’s the line between making enough effort and drawing the line before you make a fool of yourself? With online dating reading the signs can be even more difficult. Especially before you even meet the person.

Sometimes it’s obvious of course. In which case, just move on. No harm, no foul. But other times, the waters are much murkier. I’ve taken several approaches to communication with a guy online over the last year. I’ve been that girl who has shared her whole history fairly quickly. I figured it was best that a guy know where I’m at and let them decide if they are up for the challenge. This has its positive sides as well as its down sides.

Recently though I have taken a different approach but I’m not sold on it either. I’ve been talking to someone for four weeks now and we haven’t met yet as he was living out of town. I played it coy and haven’t shared much personal information. This includes my relationship history. He really knows very little about me and I haven’t given much of myself. Which is odd because I am actually interested in this guy. But he hasn’t shared either. So we’ve been playing this game – of being witty and flirty without saying much at all. It’s hard to know who has taken whose lead but there it is.

But I’m sick of it. Sick of playing that game. So I decided to stop playing and just be straight up. I asked him out and he said yes (now that he’s in my neck of the woods). But I still can’t tell how into me he is. And it’s fine if he’s not. I can take it. I’d just like to know. So the ball’s in his court now. We will see what happens and I’ll deal with whatever comes out of it.

That’s the problem with the game-play. You never really know where you stand. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun. At first. And there should be witty banter. I can’t live without it. But there comes a time when you have to get real. That time is now. I’m sick of waiting. So step up sir. Meet me and let’s see who you really are. If there’s chemistry, great. If there’s not – or you end up being a douche – so be it. At least I’ll know.

So bring it. I’m worth it.

Crush 2.0

Well well well.  Here we go. I’ve had a drought.  A long drought. Or so it feels.  But for the first time since my original Mister Crush, I have another one. It’s been a long time since I’ve actually liked someone.  And again with someone I don’t even know! What’s with me and virtual crushes?

This one is age appropriate – yes it’s true! Those of you who know me also know that I have a tendency to attract the young ones. Which in all truthfulness, I not only find hilarious but flattering.  Okay – back on track – I’ve been talking to my Crush 2.0 for about 3 weeks now. He’s funny, smart,  well spoken with a dash of geek. Shit, I may as well take my pants off now.  And a tall guarded alpha male as far as I can tell. So yeah….I’m a goner.

I realize it’s ridiculous to have a crush on some guy who you’ve only talked to online. So many things can change when you meet in person. I know this.  But I’ve decided just to go with it. And Vixen certainly seems to be leading that charge but surprisingly Heart isn’t on total lock down.

That being said, I had a very strange reaction last week. One I couldn’t comprehend. I felt like I was going a bit crazy. I felt really insecure (??) and was emotionally all over the place and I wanted to punch myself in the face. It finally clicked after about 4 days. An AHA moment. Fear of rejection. It actually makes perfect sense given my history. I haven’t been really rejected since my relationship breakup a year and a half ago. Yeah things didn’t work out with Mister Crush (Crush 1.0?) but it wasn’t me he was rejecting, he just had stuff to work through.  Anyway, once I figured it out I was okay. Phew!

So I may get to meet this new guy within the next week and we will see what happens. I actually feel hopeful.  What an unfamiliar feeling.  Hopeful for what I don’t know- connection maybe.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m realistic of course. But I’m excited to see how this all shakes out.

I mean really, how can I resist someone who calls me a temptress? That’s just calling Vixen to come out and play!

Dating Q&A – Crazy Style

A good friend of mine is considering diving into the dating pool again.   She has questions.  I may or may not have some answers.  Here are the questions she has put forward to me …. hmmm, these don’t sound like the real deal but let’s go for it anyway and see what absurdity ensues.

What does that ball of rage and fear in my stomach mean when I meet a guy?
Could this be a legit question?  Rage = perhaps you should put the numb-chucks down and take a little more time before you think about dating.  Kinda normal though as many men are idiots and we want to punch them in the neck most days  (sorry to all of you that aren’t). Fear = this depends. If you feel fear just meeting a guy, perhaps it’s best to put on your Catwoman costume and go incognito (this way you can either kick his ass or seduce him – your call). Fear about starting to date – totally 100% normal. Carry on.

How can I deek out of a date when he starts talking about his penchant for dollar store hair gel?
There’s an app for your iphone that calls you at a pre-set time and you can even assign it a name.  So when Darth Vader calls your cell, you can just say that it’s a family emergency and you need to leave….right now.

Is it inappropriate to carry a mini, code-word-activated voice recorder for when he starts to wax on about his ex to help generate fresh cackling fodder for my next crantini-fueled girls’ night?
Totally appropriate. Especially if he’s also talking about his hair gel.

What are a girl’s options when the peachfuzz and the sultry scent of Drakkar Noir on a first date have her eyes saying “NO!”, but her crotch screaming “AYFKMRN?!?”…?
Your options are to listen to her eyes or her crotch. Totally up to you. No judgement here. Although to be honest I’m not sure what “AYFKMRN” means.  I’m thinking some kind of come-hither battle cry?

Man-scaped lightning bolts radiating outward from the peen in all directions. For rilz.
Points for creativity?

What if you don’t like sharing?
Deal breaker on all counts. If one of you likes sharing and the other doesn’t, whether its french fries, your toothbrush,  or eachother with other partners – you are doomed. Walk away now.

How can I pass off “laughing AT” as “laughing WITH” during sex?
Easy. Laugh while you are also saying “You are the King!”

Any advice on what to do when one sees undersized speedos on the first beach/water date?
Go swimming and hope to be eaten by a shark.

Clam tongue?
Not sure exactly what this means but I can only imagine and it’s grossing me out so I shall not respond.

If at any point I stumble upon a tickle-trunk wizard cap, should I have a cocktail?
Sure but how about a butterbeer instead?

How long can I get away with faking phone sex whilst wearing sweats, noshing on strawberry marshmallows and watching “Parks and Recreation” on mute?
Forever.

What do I do if I accidentally blurt out “I coulda had a V8” after mediocre sex?
Pretend you said ” I’d like to masturbate” and he will ask no more questions.

There you go. How did I do?

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