Heading Back Into the Jungle

So I’m diving back into the online dating world! I’ll admit I’m not taking it too seriously but I think that’s a good thing. Just going to put myself out there and see what happens.

I’m not looking for “the one”. To be honest, I don’t think that exists. I’m jaded. I’m not into getting into a serious relationship. That just sounds like way too much work. I want to go out, have fun and hopefully have some laughs with someone cute and nice.

My online profile is much different this time around. I took the smartass approach. We will see what that brings me. And maybe this time I’ll last more than two weeks on the site!

Am I ready for this? Who knows. But you can’t always wait until you think you are completely ready otherwise you never do anything.

So here we go! At the very least I’ll have some good stories to share with you!

UPDATE: Okay I just saw this as a profile picture for a guy on the dating website. I cropped it because I didn’t want to be mean about it but WTF???  What was he thinking? Oh man, I’m in for a challenge!

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Sparkly Bits

I didn’t think I’d be talking about personal grooming again so soon after my blog post on the topic last summer. But something has my girlfriends all a flutter. With laughter, surprise, curiosity and perhaps a little awe (or is that disgust?)

The talk is all about vajazzling. Yup you heard me. It’s a take on the bedazzler but applied to the female nether-regions. Sound crazy? Yeah it kinda does. But apparently it’s the thing these days. As if shaving it all off wasn’t enough, now we have to gemify ourselves? It’s downright comical.

I would think this would be difficult to maintain. Wouldn’t your lace panties and jeans rub those suckers right off? And how are they applied exactly? A hot glue gun?  This is crafting taken to a whole new level.

Would I do it? Maybe. Given the right circumstances. But really, it would be more for laughs than for sexiness.

And what about men? Do they like it? I haven’t had the time to poll my male friends about this new trend. But why be so sexist about it? Why not the pejazzle? or is it the cojazzle? Dizzle? Or as my one friend aptly called it, a disco penis. Well because I don’t know any woman that would go anywhere near that!

But hey, who am I to judge? If you like the idea, fill your boots. Or should I say your pants? Either way, let me know how it goes.

Facing The Hard Truth

Why is it so hard sometimes to admit the truth to yourself? We’ve all been there. You know you have. It’s that feeling in your gut that’s telling you something that you just don’t want to hear. So instead, either consciously or not, we bury ourselves in our little fantasy-land and keep pretending. It’s easier that way. Until it’s not.

There are times – okay lots of times – that the truth sucks. We’d much rather stick with the situation we know or the one that makes us feel good than take the hard road and make a change. Because change, like truth, can kick our butts.

I wonder how “want” versus “need” also factors into this conundrum.  It’s not as hard for us to behave based on our wants. Our wants usually are a pretty strong incentive and we are much more likely to take action to get a want met.  But what about our needs? Why can this be more difficult?

I recently had to make the hard choice to cut someone out of my life. Someone I cared about.  It took me several months to get there.  Looking back and being completely honest, I knew – deep down – that I was pretending to feel completely platonic about this person.  I’ll admit I was enjoying the charade and how it all made me feel.  It felt good! I convinced myself that it was all cool.  I really wanted it to be true so I “made it so”.  Except I didn’t.  Not really. And my body and subconscious would slap me in the face with a reality check of my true emotions every now and then by making me feel bad.  But I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to listen. I wanted what I wanted. But it wasn’t what I needed.

So finally last week, I knew it was time to really look at myself, ask the hard questions, and listen to what the rest of me was trying to tell me.  I had to put my wants aside and finally bring my needs to the forefront.  If you’ve read my post Who’s Driving Your Bus, you know about my “diva council”.  This was my Facebook status from the day I decided to listen to my needs:

Wise Woman: you are doing what you have to for your own sanity and because you can’t pretend anymore.
Heart: broken a little more. I don’t want to listen to what’s right!
Vixen: dammit.

So yeah, it kinda sucked.  But I finally listened to my truth and I took action. And it was the right thing to do.  It hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. And I’m okay. It’s not that I don’t miss him; I do. But not as much as I would have thought. And that’s probably because I did what I had to do – for me.  It was the right call. *

So now I ask you – are you facing your hard truths? And it’s okay if you aren’t. For now. But one day you may want to.  As much as you’d rather live in a fantasy, because reality can seem so much harsher, you probably can’t live there forever.  I just want you to know that if and when you decide to face your truths,  it will probably suck …for a while. But you can do it. You really, really can.

*(Besides, let’s be honest, I’m awesome and what man in their right mind doesn’t want a piece of the action that is me? C’mon now!)

Adieu to 2011

Dear 2011,

You kicked my ass.  You really, really did.

I had my heart broken into a million pieces, was betrayed by the man I loved and the father of my child, had my whole world destroyed and the future I believed in, erased.  I worked really hard to get through all that and still have many issues to deal with…the remnants of the devastation that still plague me.  So yeah, the first half  of you, oh 2011, was a big shit sandwich and unfortunately, I was forced to eat the whole damn thing.

But, year from hell, you also brought me many unexpected things – good things.  I found my friends again. I felt how much they love and support me and that is an amazing thing. I’ve also made new friends this year.  I couldn’t have gotten through this year without all of them. My family was there for me too and I feel like I have reconnected with my brother because of what this year has brought my way. And for all that, I’m so grateful.

I’ve also rediscovered ME.  Parts of me anyway. As always, it’s a work in progress.  Shockingly, 2011, you made me realize that despite everything, I still have confidence in myself and I’ve realized how strong I am.  I’ve officially met my wise woman, heart and vixen and recognize them for who they are.  And I hope to get to know all of them better (hello vixen!!). I’ve dabbled in dating, tried new things and had new experiences. I’ve mixed things up and am trying out a new approach to life.

The strangest thing has happened. I’ve had several people tell me how much lighter I am now than I used to be. How can that be? And yet, it is. I am living for me, and for my daughter.  Nobody else.  And I’ve had lot of laughs and a lot of fun.  But  don’t get me wrong, it’s also been really really hard. And I know it’s not over.

2011, you’ve been both a huge bitch and a gift.  That being said, I really am glad to see you go.

So 2011…..fuck you!

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