Who Is Driving Your Bus?

Those of you who know me are becoming more familiar with what my good friend has named my “Diva Council”. It’s the three parts of me who seem to fight with each other on a daily basis these past several months. My head (named my Wise Woman) who speaks from a place of logic, experience and common sense. Her voice is pretty loud and is indeed wise. My heart (just called Heart) who rules my emotions be they fear, anxiety, joy or love. She’s in a vulnerable place these days. And then there’s my physical side (who I call Vixen) who is a naughty but fun girl and is driven by desire, spontaneity and often recklessness.

These three sides of me speak loud and clear and I’ve been learning to listen to each of them and be aware of which one is taking the lead. It’s an interesting process. But it can also be very confusing and overwhelming when they are all fighting for space inside of me and in the world. When faced with a situation I’m unsure about I’ve been trying to let them all have their say so that I can get a better grasp on how I’m feeling and then make a decision about how to proceed. It helps me make intentional decisions – whether they be good or bad ones. Sometimes it’s not so terrible to throw caution to the wind right? But at least you go into it with your eyes open. I also need to get better at letting each of them have their own separate time to guide me. For example, after a rough emotional spell, perhaps it’s best to put Vixen in the back seat and let my Wise Woman drive for a while.

Recently I’ve also discovered a fourth part of me that most people don’t listen to – or even hear – and that’s my gut. In today’s world, our instinct is often a very soft voice that we ignore or rationalize into not taking seriously. I think our instincts can be very powerful and will rarely steer us wrong. It’s just a matter of taking the time to tap into it and really listen. The problem I find is being able to distinguish between what is your instinct from other strong drivers such as fear, desire or what society tells us we should do. These things are very primal or can be very ingrained in us and they tend to scream at us so they are hard to ignore. I don’t know the answer to how to sort through this but it’s something I’ve been thinking about.

I recently ignored my gut and that was a mistake. As soon as I tapped into what my gut was telling me and took action based on it, I soon realized that I was right to trust it. So I ask you whether you are really listening to yourself – all part of yourself – and asking yourself why you are behaving or thinking the way you are. Are you going through life making decisions and behaving a certain way based on what you think you “should” be doing, or letting fear drive you, or letting your physical desires make all the choices? I don’t want you to self- judge (please don’t!), just be aware of yourself. Let your heart rule if that’s who you are, tell your “good girl” to shove it and set your Vixen free if you want to, or be rational if you prefer. Just make it a conscious choice is all.

And above all, try practicing listening to your instincts (because it does take practice), figure out what is your gut versus the other voices, and take the time to hear what it’s really telling you. And then I propose that you trust it. Completely.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Simone
    Nov 20, 2011 @ 19:04:09

    Best. Blog. Posting.


  2. Christy Willett
    Nov 20, 2011 @ 19:46:52

    Listen, can I share this with my Psych 30 class? We’re doing Freud and Id, Ego, Superego and I think this is a really great and REAL take on it! Obviously they won’t know who wrote it, and I won’t give them any more details, but I think it could help them out….what do you think? Love ya, keep blogging!


  3. Sarah
    Nov 21, 2011 @ 03:24:46

    This is such a great post! I think that you are absolutely on target with distinguishing all of the different parts that make us whole….many people aren’t so self aware. I’ve found that depending on where you are in life, your needs are so different from day-to-day. Sometimes we want that “wild and exciting” feeling to take control and other times, it’s so important when to know to “rein it in.”

    Although I really try not to impose my views on others, one practice I’ve found very helpful when dealing with all the different “me s,” is meditation. Whether that comes in the form of a yoga practice, a jog/walk, or journalling, we can really make a lot of important decisions if we take the position of an observer. What feelings are apparent? Is it your insecurity that drives your decision making or is it your true self knowing what it wants.

    The journey to self enlightenment is not an easy one, and is a life long process, but when we find tools that ground us and let us get in touch with our true self, we become more confident in our decison making.

    Thank you for this post and most of all, thank you for you honesty. Your blog is amazing, don’t stop writing 🙂


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